“………..In my clique, at the start of the yr, B(meaning me) and C were into those horrid paper monsters that i had no one to talk to during recess (cos they discussed their books). Lessons were the same. They fixed their eyes on the books and not the teacher. On some occasions, they could tell i wasn’t myself. I had wanted to complain, but how can i tell them? Shldn’t i let them do what they like? But…

And…who would understand? Who could? Was i so easily replaced by books? BOOOOOOOKKKS?!

Now, i think i’m pretty much living the same life now, just that i’m not as close to them anymore. Don’t you guys think? (If you’re reading this) I’m very disappointed that i’m called your “best friend” when you don’t even set aside time for one. Sigh.”

this was from your blog…i really dont know how to answer to that..
but all i can say is, on those occasions when i could tell that something was wrong, i DID want to ask what was wrong..but i was afraid that you would just ignore me or shake your head, like you usually did when i asked..
i guess, our problem isnt not understanding or not being there for each other…its just that me and you, we like to keep our problems to ourselves? we wouldnt zi4 dong4 tell others about our problems, but would rather let ppl ask first…and even then, sometimes we wouldnt want to tell…or maybe its just me..

im sorry..i really didnt know that i caused you that much hurt..if i knew, maybe things wouldnt have turned out this way..but i had my own reasons for doing things the way i did…but on hindsight, maybe they werent such good choices after all…

the only reason why i talked to C about books during recess was because that was the ONLY topic that we could talk about…thats the only thing we have in common…i dont even really like her!
but with you its different..i really cherish our friendship..with you, i could be myself..last yr, we did alot of stupid and lame things together..we had fun..loads of it…but what happened this year?? its like you and i completely changed overnight..we didnt laugh together anymore..we really drifted apart…

but yesterday morning was fun..for the first time in months, we really laughed together and played…i suppose, thats the closest we can get to the past….

why are all my friendships like that??? is it because of me? am i not the friend that I think i am? what do i do now?

books…they are just another world for me..one where i can “leap” into and really forget who i am..forget all my problems…
its just that, i can identify with characters in the books…call it escapism or whatever you want..but its never going to change…
some people are just like that, we are called “bookworms”…..but if you had wanted a listening ear, i could haf put down my book and listened..i might not be good at other things..but i can listen….i might not be able to give good advice, but i just want to share your burden..


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