Memories

It’s 4am and I should be asleep.After all, I have to be awake in 2 hours to catch a flight.
But I can’t seem to fall asleep no matter how hard I try.
Maybe it’s the coffee that I stupidly drank after dinner.
Or maybe, it’s because I’ll be returning to Hong Kong tomorrow, the place where the best 3 months of my life started. I honestly thought I was over it. It was one of the best experiences I’ve ever had, and I was honestly sad to leave though I did not show it.
I thought I was okay with goodbyes. But now I realise, I’m really not. All I’m good at is burying those feelings of sadness deep inside me, pretending I’m okay, when I’m really not.
I have mixed feelings about this trip. I’m excited to be making new memories with the friends I’ll be holidaying with, and yet I feel somehow sad, that when I go back to the harbour, I know I won’t see the ship that I once called home docked there, waiting for me to board.

I’m sorry my thoughts are all over the place. Maybe it’s really just the coffee.

Advertisements

2015 Reflections and Thanksgiving

This post is long overdue lol. Have been meaning to write this since 2 weeks ago, but was never able to get started.

Anyway, I was looking back at this past year, and I realised, that I’ve done so incredibly little, and yet I’ve done so much too. You see, in actuality, I’ve only done 2 things last year, the internship in church, and the mission trip on Logos Hope. And yet, these 2 things have given me so much experience, more than I’ve asked for, and they have also step by step led me to where I am today.

So I graduated in December 2014, and had no idea what I wanted to do, apart from the fact that I knew I did not want to do anything that was related to my degree in Mass Communication. Not that I didn’t like the work. I love it. But I also decided that I wanted a job with a better work-life balance, and not having to go for entire weeks working from 7am to 12am or later doing production work and not seeing my family. I really really love the job as I mentioned in a previous post. But it was just not something I could envision myself doing for a long time.

Thus, in 2015, I decided I was going to go into Social Work. Somehow between then and now, I got the opportunity to go on Logos Hope for a 3-month short term programme. However, since my trip on Logos Hope was only happening in August, that meant I had almost half a year to spare. And so after talking to my youth pastor, I decided to join the church as an intern for 3 months starting in March. It was a really wonderful experience as I got to see the inner workings of a church, and got exposed to different ministries as well. Through this, I got to help prepare for the church camp, and also got to join the Children’s Ministry as a helper (and this year, I’ve also taken on the role of teaching in CM), among other things. We did weekly devotions every Tuesday morning, and it was nice to hear from the team about things they had learnt or discovered as they read the Word of God.

In August, I embarked on my first ever (and longest too) mission trip on Logos Hope. I had no idea what to expect, but I had the time of my life there. It was really great to be able to minister to people, simply talking and being there for them. I was also able to challenge myself to step out of my comfort zone. I performed and connected with the visitors in Taiwan, went on a prayer walk in Penang, and visited an orphanage and a home church in Myanmar. And in between all this, I got to work with the most amazing team onboard the bookfair. Sure there were time where I felt useless and had no idea what I was doing there or what my purpose was. But times like these, I can only remember that God had sent me there for a purpose, I may not know, but God knows, and that is all that matters.

When I came back in October, I was in sort of a limbo period. Not knowing what comes next, all I could do was rest and start applying for jobs. Though, honestly, I did a lot more resting than applying! I think I applied for a total of 10 jobs in a period of 3 months! Hah. But anyway, after 3 interviews at different places, I’m glad to say that I was finally offered a job. And a huge plus was that this was the position that i liked the most and was most hopeful and excited about.

Looking back, I can honestly say that, everything that has happened to me so far, was really by the grace of God. God led me to Logos Hope, led me to work in my church office, and these 2 have, I believe, ultimately led me to this organisation that I will be working for. How do I know and believe that? I actually applied for this position back in July, but had not received any reply then. I only got the interview and offer after updating my resume when I came back, and these 2 experiences were of interest to my interviewer as she kept asking me about them. (It’s a Christian organisation too!). Therefore I can honestly say that I can see God’s hand in my life and He has been really good to me. There were times that I felt so completely far away from Him, that I’d thought He’d abandoned me. But no. This really reminds me of poem “Footprints in the Sand”

Footprints in the Sand

One night I dreamed a dream.
As I was walking along the beach with my Lord.
Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand,
One belonging to me and one to my Lord.

After the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that at many times along the path of my life,
especially at the very lowest and saddest times,
there was only one set of footprints.

This really troubled me, so I asked the Lord about it.
“Lord, you said once I decided to follow you,
You’d walk with me all the way.
But I noticed that during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I don’t understand why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me.”

He whispered, “My precious child, I love you and will never leave you
Never, ever, during your trials and testings.
When you saw only one set of footprints,
It was then that I carried you.”

– by Mary Stevenson

PS. on a lighter note, I think it’s really annoying but funny that, when I had so much time (before I found a job), I was bored but could not find a decent drama to watch or rewatch. But now that I will be starting work soon (in a week’s time), I suddenly have so many dramas that I want to watch, both old and new lol. 8 of them, at last count. Sigh

PPS. Am really annoyed that I can’t find all my fav winter stuff and my country road bag. Meh. Bag and clothes, where art thou?

Prayer

Father God, please take away this anger in me. Help me to love those whom you love. Help me to love and be forgiving to the people around me. In Jesus’ most precious and holy name, I pray, Amen.

God knows..

Saw this image that a friend shared on Facebook today..

1527073_10152582281168676_1360136642034984707_n

and after reflecting a little on those words, I thought of how wrong it all was..so I decided to make some changes to the image, and came up with this:

God knows

haha, I was bored, but..hope this encourages someone today 🙂

Bored

I’ve been feeling really, really bored the past few days! It got so bad that last night, I actually had a random itch to do math problem sums LOL and I even entertained the thought of going down to Popular and buying a math assessment book. Something wrong with me hahaha!

But seriously though..I think this has got to do with my life on the ship heh. Before going on the ship, I know I could have done what I’m doing now and not have a problem with it..like I can nua and laze in bed all day doing nothing for weeks and not be bored. But life on the ship was always so fast paced..there was something to do all the time. From working, to going out to do ministry, or even the many community events we have at night/during sailing. After having that kind of lifestyle for 3 months, it seems harder to just nua and do nothing at home lol..time to look for a job..meh.

 

Why?

PARIS (AFP/REUTERS) – French warplanes pounded the Islamic State in Iraq and Syria’s (ISIS) stronghold in Syria’s Raqa on Sunday, destroying a command post and a training camp, the defence ministry said.

In its first air strike against IS since the string of deadly Paris attacks claimed by ISIS, 12 warplanes, including 10 fighter bombers, dropped 20 bombs on the targets.

“The first target destroyed was used by Daesh (another Arabic acronym for ISIS) as a command post, jihadist recruitment centre and arms and munitions depot. The second held a terrorist training camp,” a ministry statement said.

The planes left from Jordan and the United Arab Emirates and was conducted in coordination with American forces, the ministry said.

The raids were the biggest in Syria to date by France targeting the ISIS stronghold in Raqa just two days after the group claimed coordinated attacks in Paris that killed more than 130 people, the defence ministry said.

“The raid … including 10 fighter jets, was launched simultaneously from the United Arab Emirates and Jordan. Twenty bombs were dropped,” the statement said, adding that the mission had taken place this evening.

French President Francois Hollande on Saturday blamed the Islamic State group for the gun and suicide attacks that left at least 132 dead in Paris on Friday, calling them an “act of war”.

As I read this article on my FB feed, and the stream of comments below it, I can’t help but feel deeply saddened. And I asked, “Why?” Is this just so that they can make a point? A statement? Exactly how many more people have to be sacrificed?

What has our world come to…?

#prayforourworld

Let us pray, not just for France, but also for Beirut (Lebanon) and Baghdad. These two countries had also experienced terror attacks just the day before the bombings and attacked happened in Paris…but they were not reported widely in the news. What makes these countries any less worthy of our prayers?

Let us pray, not just for France, but for the civil war that is still happening in Syria, where 12 million Syrians (half of which are children) have fled their homes due to conflict. Where winter is approaching, but they do not have proper shelters or clothing to protect themselves from the weather. What makes them any less worthy of our prayers?

Let us pray, not just for France, but for the world. We are living in a world where sin and corruption is abundant. Where people, with the poor excuse of religion, have no qualms about murdering and killing other people. We pray for the victims, why do we not pray for the attackers too? Are they any less of a human being than us? Are they less worthy of our prayers?

I’ve honestly been quite shaken from reading the news from the past couple of days. Mostly because i have a friend in Paris. A friend that I’ve made during my time onboard Logos Hope. Yesterday when I woke up, I opened my email and the first thing I saw was an email from a friend from our STEP programme, asking about the safety of this friend from Paris. I was stunned, and had no idea what was going on. After catching myself up with the news, I started praying for my friend, that she would be safe, and for the people in Paris, that God would bring comfort to them. When the email from our friend finally came, updating us that she was alright and had gotten home before the attacks happened, I was filled with relief. And as I scrolled through Facebook and Instagram, I saw people posting hashtags and adding a filter to their profile pictures in support of France. After awhile, other articles surfaced, articles about Beirut and Baghdad and how they had also experienced the same terror attacks, but were not reported widely in mainstream media. And I felt guilty, guilty that I had only cared about France because I had a friend there. And then I realised that in the past, I hadn’t really cared about reports such as this..simply because it did not affect me personally. And immediately I felt guilty and selfish.

Father, I pray for everything that is happening in the world right now. Father we do not know, and will probably never know why you have allowed such horrible things to happen, why so many innocent people are being killed. But Father, we trust that it is all under your control, and that you have allowed them to happen for a reason. Father, you have created us, and loved us, loved us enough to send your only Son to die on the cross for our sis. You love us enough to give us free will, only for us to turn against each other and commit crimes against each other. I’m sorry Lord. Father I pray for the people in Paris, Beirut, Baghdad, Syria and other cities and countries I may not know about, I pray that the people will find comfort in you Lord, that they will place their hope in you Lord. I pray for protection over them against any other attacks. And Lord, for the people who have committed these acts, I pray that you will somehow open their eyes, so that they may see that what they are doing is wrong, that they may see that what they believe in is wrong. I pray that we will stop playing the blame game, that we will stop looking at each other with prejudiced lenses, and stop blaming any particular group of people for what is happening, But that instead, we will use this opportunity to come together and unite as your people. 

Lord my words are inadequate in expressing my thoughts and feelings, and my mind is muddled. I do not know how else to pray. But Lord, in all, Your will be done.